I was right about yesterday being a tiring day. I remember reading many years ago that significant sleep loss produces the same effects as an LSD trip. I had some weird sights yesterday! I didn't get my blood test. They booked me in for 8:24am this morning. I had a phlebotomist I have had before. The last time I had this one she told me it was my fault she couldn't find the vein because I hadn't drunk enough. Today she found the vein, but it kept moving, so she was jiggling

Well, here I am at 5:40am writing today's entry. I have been awake since just after 1am. I will say it is the pain that was somewhat excruciating, unless you know the origin of that word, which makes it sound like I'm exaggerating (excruciating - from crucifixion). If you are male you will have some idea how bad the pain is when I tell you what happened at the hospital yesterday. My appointment was only half an hour late, so that wasn't too bad. But I was sitting in the wa

This is the day! At 4:25 this evening (16:25 for those who must) I get to hear what they are going to do with me. I will find out if my self-diagnosis of yesterday was wrong and the culprit all along was my prostate. It's an interesting day. I am back to waiting; anticipating. This is judgment day (no capital letters). Will I be given antibiotics? Will I be offered a date for an operation? I've never had an operation before. That would be an experience. These days are pas

This is another medical one. A little bit of self-diagnosis. I am not medically trained, but I have qualifications in several other areas, so I will rely on my research abilities. I was asked to submit a blood test (which I did on the 29th December). The hospital were looking for coeliac antibodies. They had finally got round to looking at the results of the gastroscopy that I had on the 28th July. I have just looked that up in my diary and I am surprised it was that long

It's Sunday, so time for something biblical again. And to explain why I don't like the idea of being stressed: For me, one of the key passages for Christian living is Matthew 11: 28-30 , ‘ Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light .’ my yoke is easy and my burde

After yesterday's negative blog I felt a bit more positive. We went to the Foodbank in the afternoon and it was a satisfying time. There's never a rush after Christmas, but we fed some people. There are some things I haven't been able to give up even though I am officially off. There is no one else who will do this, so no matter how I may be feeling I still go. But I did feel more positive. I have decided not to make any decisions until I get all my results in. The Occupat

I have a lot of random thoughts this morning. It's 8:25am as I am writing this. I woke up with pain as usual, around 3 hours ago. But I woke up. That still surprises me each morning. Until I know what is wrong with me I will be surprised every morning. Yesterday I had the image of John Hurt in the "Alien" film, when the alien bursts out of his stomach. It feels like that some days. And having talked to my chair of district it seems like there is an expectation that I s

I was sent this song yesterday, so I thought I would add the words and a link: I don't know what this day will bring Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things? I don't know what tomorrow holds Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness I don't know if these clouds mean rain If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain? I don't know what the future holds Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness Certain as the rivers reach the sea Certain as the sunrise in t

I sometimes wonder if I should stop reading. Yesterday I read that undiagnosed abdominal pains can be a sign of pancreatic cancer. I had already thought about pancreatic cancer. When people were telling me how worried I was about prostate cancer and how relieved I was to be told it wasn't cancer, I was thinking that was the least of my problems. The abdominal pains still remain undiagnosed. So death is on my mind again, and I was reminded of the Anglican Funeral Service tha

I am sitting here in sunshine, with frozen snow outside, glad that I don't have to go anywhere today. It's now a week until my appointment with the consultant to find out what they are going to do about my prostate. Still no word about my CT scan results to find out what is actually wrong with me. And no blood test results yet about my coeliac results. It's all waiting! But it's the 6th January, which for liturgists is Epiphany, so I said I would say something about the wis

I slept well last night and felt OK this morning when I woke up. And the funny thing is that I felt like a fraud. I drove through the snow to Tesco to get some shopping and an hour later I was almost doubled up in pain. So much for being a fraud! It just seems like a long time to be off, but still no results, so if I go back I don’t know how long it would be until I have to be off again. I think I’ll write something proper tomorrow.

Today I should have been taking my first service, but my time off is extended until my birthday. So, as yesterday was particularly painful, with chest pains added in the evening, I thought I should look at the Methodist Covenant Service. I had restricted myself to 2 this year: today and next Sunday. Gone are the days when I have to repeat this 7 or 8 weeks in a row, even doing it 2 or 3 times in the day. In the Worship Book that replaced the Service Book around 25+ years ag

I had nothing to say today. I went for a 2.6 mile walk this morning before it snowed. The rest of the day was painful. And still I wait for results. Tomorrow I will try to be more eloquent.

I was surprised to wake up this morning. I felt so bad yesterday. As I am still alive I sent in a request to my medical centre for another "Fit Note". Part of the process involves explaining why I need the Note, so I told them they still haven't found out what is wrong with me, so I still have no diagnosis and therefore still no treatment. But that's not what I wanted to write about. Despite the ongoing feeling, I have started going for walks in the morning. Today was my se

60 days off work! I can't remember what it's like anymore. In recent years I have had the same number of COVID lockdowns as everyone else, followed by a 13 week sabbatical. Now I have so far had 60 days off. I am looking, not at the whole New Year thing, but at the countdown of time. In 30 days it will be my birthday. That means 3 years until I can claim my State Pension. I never thought that day would come - it hasn't yet, but 3 years is close. What I have to ask myself i

I'm not big on New Year. I find the concept strange. I read a brief thing by the evangelist J. John where he wrote that the New Year is like a blank page. I may be off work for the first month, but there are no blank pages for me. There are re-runs of the same things as in 2025. That's one of the things putting me off going back - the same old stuff. It wasn't successful stuff. It was just stuff. The idea of a Happy New Year sounds good. Tomorrow the old calendars come down

Shortly after I wrote yesterday's entry I had a letter in the post from the hospital. Well, if it had been a letter it would have been easier to interpret. It was a form. If it had been accompanied by a letter, it would have been easier to interpret. But it was a form! I am being asked to book a blood test because of " villous atrophy of hg to r/o ceol ." The translation, provided by my good friends at Google, is: " Villous atrophy on histology/hindgut, to rule out coeli

My nose has stopped running. I am trying to think what exercise I should take up to replace that! A bad joke to start the day. I am not in much pain today at the moment. There is always hope, but there is expectation as well. I expect it to to get worse as the day goes on. Yesterday evening I endured an ongoing bad headache with sore eyes to add to my other pains. My feet are still OK. My general feelings are OK at the moment. I am feeling fairly positive, until I think a

This has to be about sleep today. I used to have no problem with sleep. I could fall asleep at night and be awakened by the alarm clock. When I was an apprentice at ICI, in my final year I used to go the canteen for my daily sausage, egg and beans, then go back to our workshop and sleep for 10 minutes before the afternoon started. I have been able to stay up all night without sleep, with no after effects. I had no problem sleeping in Belfast, despite the noise. But since I

I wrote this late because I was waiting till after I had my CT Scan. That was a new one for me. It was painless until she went to take the canula out and the sticky tape was stuck to the hairs on my arm. Results will follow and this is my last option. There is nothing else they can do to discover what is wrong, so I’m hoping they find something! Anyway, the usual pains and sickness today. And still people are hoping I’m feeling better. Me too, but it’s not helping!