Day forty eight

If yesterday sounded bad I will continue today. I am a great believer in The Fall, found in Genesis 3. I believe that everything was affected: the universe, the galaxies, the earth, and human nature. I also believe in the work of Jesus to restore all things to how they were at the beginning. And I believe we live between the times. The Holy Spirit makes a difference, but the effects of The Fall are all around us, so we get sick and we die. And there are all those relationship difficulties first found in Genesis 3.

In all of that is my inability to attach. Sin has affected my ability - my sin (in my reaction to what happened to me, although this is unconscious, not my choice), and the sin of those who made me this way, from conception through to adoption.

And yet I have been able to use my spiritual gifts in ways that would not be expected. My calling came from reading 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7 in the RSV:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken; for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

The one person I feel attached to is Jesus. This is why in 1982 I fell into a deep depression. I had lost touch with him and I felt like there was nothing more to live for. When I got out of that depression I found a purpose in life and it was this passage from 2 Corinthians. God allowed me to experience all that I experienced, and all I continue to experience, so I can help others. So I don't project my feelings (or lack of feelings) onto others. I have a genuine compassion, because I know how much life can hurt; and I understand people who attempt suicide. That has played a big part in my ministry. I understand people who have relationship difficulties. But that doesn't mean that I have to fall apart every time I help someone else. Which is why I am no longer an Accredited Counsellor. I just can't fill in that section of the application.

So, as bad as yesterday's entry might sound, I'm just being honest and saying: I know what it's like to be a fallen human being living in a fallen world; but I have found "abundant life" with Jesus. And if He can fix someone as broken as me, He can fix you too.

And now I know what it's like to be long-term ill.