Day Six

I didn't have that meeting yesterday after all. I had a morning meeting (but I wasn't chairing) and then I spent about an hour preparing a Bible Study, and when that meeting was to begin I started watching the new Paul McCartney documentary: "Man on Fire" and I fell asleep, for most of the 2 hours it was on. I am finding that the tiredness now is more of a problem than the pain. How would I have managed that meeting if I am this tired?

And again this morning I was wide awake at 4am, composing today's post. This isn't it, because I eventually fell asleep and woke up at 6, having forgotten most of it.

It was something along the lines of friendship. I was thinking about the Occupational Health report that said I should talk to family and friends about depression. My family consists of my wife and daughter. I don't talk to them about it. And when the report was first sent, I thought I don't have any friends - plenty of acquaintances and church people (I contain multitudes remember!), but friends have a lot to live up to before they can earn that label. On my teenage bedroom wall there was a quote, which I have since discovered, was by George Eliot:

"Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person: having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words, but pouring all out, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful, friendly hand will take and sift them; keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away".

There are not many people like that in my life. When I say not many....

So I won't be talking about anything that the Occupational Health people want me to talk about.

With the meeting cancelled yesterday it will be another while before I get to arrange my "phased return" to work, and now I am at the end of my 2nd week back. It may be too late to phase me back in, but at least I can get some things done before I start phasing.

But how do I cope with the tiredness? If I had chronic fatigue I could put a label on it, but I haven't. Long Covid was a good one for people to use, but I've never had Covid (well, strictly speaking, that's not true: I had "Short Covid" a couple of years ago - it lasted one day). So I can't say I have Long Covid.

I think I will try pacing myself and see how I get on. Today will probably be tiring, but tomorrow is Saturday, so I won't be here. I may rest.