I didn't get to write what I intended to yesterday because I was feeling slightly depressed. My purpose in restarting this blog was to write about how I was responding to this illness, and if it turned out to be cancer, how I was responding to the diagnosis. The prostate issue came up after I was already off work, but the pains have been there over a year, and while no one yet knows what is causing them, I have to live with them. So I react when people tell me how I was worri

I have tried doing things yesterday and today. I had to be at the solicitors in Lowestoft yesterday to sign off the sale of Corton Road manse and today I was out buying cough medicine for my wife. And although I managed while I was out, the pain was really bad after I got home. It makes me wonder again about going back to work again. It feels like a long time to be off, but it doesn’t make sense to go back until I’m sorted out properly. But how long will that be? On another n

I said I would write about Projection, and here it is. There are several defence mechanisms that people use to help them cope with life's many and varied situations. The one that I see most often is Projection". In my church plant in Eastbourne I used to talk about this a lot. I always said, "Everyone projects". Without giving a textbook definition, projection involves projecting onto others the flaws and faults that you see in yourself. If you can blame someone else for hav

30 days! Who would have believed it! I went to the Community Cafe yesterday and I wasn't hugged, but most people seemed pleased to see me. I don't know how many times I explained the results I had received so far. One issue I had was that when I said I wouldn't be back till January it seemed that I was expected to be back before then. I think, because I don't show the pain, people think it's not there. I don't look ill, so it's assumed I'm not. I don't look tired, so it's ass

It's a wet and windy morning and I am going to Trinity Methodist Church this morning for the Community Cafe. It's over a month since I've been. I used to go every week. But first a report on yesterday: We went to Hungate church (Beccles) and were warmly greeted at the door, and inside, and after the service. I had a 5-minute thing I had prepared. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage this: how I would feel and if I would be able to think on my feet (not been as good at that

I went to the Christmas Tree Festival yesterday. I couldn't stay long because I was too tired, but I was hugged and greeted in a way I don't remember ever happening before. It was a strange sensation. I'm really not used to being ill and I sometimes feel as though I'm faking. I know that I'm not, but I know that I'm not lying in bed with a thermometer in my mouth - that seems to be my picture of how a sick person should look; maybe with a hot water bottle as well! Anyway, the

Yesterday morning I had a phone call with my MRI results. This getting up too early means I'm usually writing about the day before. I suppose if I wrote at the end of the day it would make more sense. Anyway, that was the suspense build-up. I don't have cancer. Although I didn't get a full report on the phone they wanted to make sure I wouldn't be worried over the weekend. I wasn't worried; I was curious : curious as the whether or not I had cancer; curious as to how I would

I was up at 4am this morning. I don't want to complain about being tired again; although I am. What I want to say is that my "Fit Note" runs out today. I should be getting another one until the end of December but there was that issue with my title, so it hasn't arrived yet. Anyway, this is when I was supposed to be "fit for work" again, and I'm not. It's funny how people, before I went off work, told me it was age. If it is then I'm in trouble, because after a month off I do

I am beginning to feel like a hypochondriac! I had my MRI scan yesterday evening; just waiting for the results. I am now just back home from seeing yet another GP who didn't know me, so I had to give him a run-down of the past 14 months. He has booked me in for a CT scan. This probably means going back to the department of the hospital I was in yesterday. It's not what I call efficiency, but I was sitting waiting for my appointment this morning and I read on my NHS App that i

I had my phone call this morning telling me there’s a letter in the post with an MRI appointment for the 7th December, but there is now a cancellation this evening at 6:25. I won’t have any results for a couple of days, so I’ll report the results when I get them.

Philippians 1: 21 , " For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far ". That's a thought that is been in my head over the last few weeks. " To live is Christ ". Only a Christian can say that! " To die is gain ". Only a Christian can say that. Nominal Christians; c

I had the best night's sleep last night since I have been off work! I read the letter on my NHS app yesterday that explains all my "Problems" (that's the technical term). Further down the letter there is a list of "Significant past problems". I found one for 1999 that says: "Minor reflux oesophagitis". No one told me at the time and yet this was the first diagnosis of my present condition. The first prescription I had was to deal with oesophagitis. I guess it was healed back

I have been awake since 2am. I had 2 hours sleep last night. Pain is tiring, but hard to sleep through. But it’s Sunday and as I was supposed to be preaching at the Church in Loddon this morning I thought I would write something about what I probably would have said. I was asked to preach on Galatians 2: 20. The last two times I was there I was asked to preach on a particular topic or passage. This time it was a verse: “it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives i

Too much pain today to write anything. I’ll hopefully be back tomorrow.

I have had a few Get Well cards, texts and emails, telling me how people are thinking of me and praying for me. That’s good. I’ve not been on this side before. I have always been the person visiting others. Paul did tell the Galatians to “bear one another’s burdens “. He didn’t tell us to employ someone to do it for us. There are a couple of things there: We are supposed to bear one another’s burdens. There are videos further down in this blog from my “Talks from my greenhous

This morning the hospital rang. That was quick. They were running through a health check to prepare me for an MRI, which may be next week. So progress is being made. It was interesting to hear that my records say I have coeliac disease. I did have, but I was healed 20 years ago and I have had no problems since. Even with the blood tests and the gastroscopy there has been no evidence that the problem still exists. I like it when medical evidence backs up the miracle. God works

I finally saw a doctor who knew what he was doing. As soon as he saw my PSA results from my blood test he organised an appointment at James Paget Hospital. He marked it urgent because it looks like cancer. "Urgent" means the appointment will be in 2 weeks. Good job it's not anything serious like.... Oh, well, I suppose that is serious. I was waiting for this so I could start writing about how I feel, but it's not definite yet, so until I hear the words: "You have cancer" I do

Another very early wake up. I am tired today but I was thinking about Christmas. Yesterday I organised a couple of programmes for the 2 carol services I am planned for. Then I heard that everything has been organised so that I can be off until after Christmas. That was good to hear but I will be off for Christmas. I haven’t always had churches that have Christmas Day services, but the last 35 Christmases have been church based as minister/pastor: carol services, Christmas Eve

There’s a phrase that Paul uses in one of his letters, about redeeming the time. It’s one that I think about a lot. It’s why I have trouble with holidays and days off. And it’s a problem I’ve had for the last two weeks. I haven’t been resting, partly because the pain is interfering with my sleep and partly because I need to be doing something. The days are passing quickly because I’m reading and studying so much. I even prepared a couple of Carol Services this morning just in

This is now two weeks off. I can’t say I’m rested because I’m not sleeping well. Last night, or this morning, I didn’t get to sleep till 2:30am and I was up at 6:30am. My head feels fuzzy. I was thinking about my GP appointments and they go something like: Last Monday my appointment was focused on giving my tablets to sort out the oesophagitis; This Wednesday my appointment is about my prostate results; 8 days later, the Thursday appointment is about my abdominal pain. I thin