I thought I would write again because I am looking for "There". I have been back at work now for 7 weeks and sometimes people ask me how I am, other times they don't. Sometimes I say, "Fine", other times I say, "Bleh", and other times I say, "No different". The first response is not true, but I get the idea it is what people want to hear. When I say I'm no better than I was last November when I went off sick, or a year ago when I first went to see a doctor, or 19 moths a

It's 3am; I have been awake for about an hour. I wouldn't say the abdominal pain is unbearable because I'm bearing it. I had forgotten what it was like to be up at this time. I can't complain about the NHS. Last Thursday (30th April) I had my latest hospital appointment. It was a telephone appointment with a dietician. I think she wanted to be able to say that I was a success - they had put me on a gluten free diet and now I was fixed. She was disappointed. She was also not

There's a verse that is embedded in everyone's memory! I'm sure it isn't, so here it is in several translations: God created mankind upright, but they have gone in search of many schemes (NIV) God made human beings straightforward, but they have devised many schemes. (NRSV) God made us plain and simple, but we have made ourselves very complicated. (Good News) God created people to be virtuous, but they have each turned to follow their own downward path. (NLT) This is

I have to begin by saying I woke up at 5:30 this morning with abdominal pains. I have to say that in case I die when everyone thinks I'm healthy again. But I did say I would talk about what J.D. Vance said about God being on the side of the Americans. If you know your Bible like I do, when you heard him say that you would immediately think of Joshua and Cyrus. Joshua first. Moses has died on Mount Nebo and Joshua has to get the Israelites across the Jordan and then fight

I was lying in bed this morning thinking about writing something again, and I wandered from subject to subject. I really should have a dictaphone beside me so I can speak it out loud. Although that would probably wake my wife up, so probably not a good idea! Anyway, I started off thinking about something that happened yesterday that led me to a conversation I had last Friday. When I opened the Foodbank doors, my first customer was waiting. She has been coming for a few m

I should have put this on a long time ago. I resisted doing the Myers-Briggs Personality test until last year when I did it as part of my degree and this was my result. I was intrigued by how accurate it is. People always talk (and write) about how God created us to be social creatures, which never helped me, but this explains my round-peg-in-a-square-hole problem everywhere I find myself (I am never going to be a square peg!)

I realised that I haven't given an update since my gluten free diet properly started. Looking back on a few posts since the 9th March I see that the pain didn't go away at first, but after a week of no gluten there was no pain. There was a bad cold with accompanying cough that lasted for at least 2 weeks. In the process I nearly killed my wife - she caught the cold and cough and still hasn't dropped them. Anyway, I have been awake since just after 4am, so I thought I should

For me, the best place to start is with Isaiah: " Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! " 49: 15 ). I have always found that to be helpful - and true! The place I was born - St. Monica's Home for Unmarried Mothers - is under investigation by the local council. It is no longer there. When we found it, 24 years ago, it was an Old People"s Home, but the Anglican Diocese ha

I said I would talk about adoption today - it's the day before Mothers' Day. Occasionally, in Methodist settings, when I have called it Mothers' Day (with, or without the apostrophe) I have been corrected with: "It's Mothering Sunday", but they still give out posies to all the mothers in the service. As I said yesterday, consistency in religious people is hard to find. So, it's Mothers' Day tomorrow and I am going to quote from a psychology paper. My masters degree in psyc

For the superstitious out there I changed the format: "Friday the 13th". A load of nonsense, but Heigh-Ho! I slept better last night. I obviously needed a day of agony with no daytime sleep to wear me out. I woke a few times in the night, but went back to sleep. I did see 4am, but then I woke up at 5:30 with abdominal pains and a headache and sore eyes. It took me until 6:55am to get up. The pains haven't left! Anyway, I wasn't going to write about my whining and whingin

It's 6am and I have been awake since 3am. That was the worst night's pain in a while. I have been waiting for the pain to go before I started writing - it has subsided a little. My mind has been whirling around, thinking all sorts of things. One of the things I am cursed with is a memory for conversations. The problem is that very few other people can remember than as well as I can. I have to distract myself from thinking about them, because the more I replay them the m

Yesterday evening I wandered down to the Friends' Meeting House for a (well, the clue is in the name of the place). As I was meandering home through sleepy Beccles I had another memory. I think I have mentioned on here already that theory that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. I probably also said that's not my style. As I am atrophying and eroding from the inside it is taking me a long time to die, so in typical fashion my life is meandering in front of my

Well, I said yesterday that I would provide updates, and yesterday afternoon there was a letter from the hospital. You would think this was a follow-up to the cystoscopy I had 2 weeks ago, but, No! It was a response to the gastroscopy that I had last July. There are that many -oscopies that it must get confusing. The first line of the letter reads: " This patient (I am, I have to confess; I am patient) presented for gastroscopy which showed erosive oesophagitis and fla

I am growing tired of seeing 4am! But as I lay in bed, I thought of a whole raft of things that I am going to write today. Beginning with a verse that I always go back to - Deuteronomy 29: 29 , " The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children for ever, that we may follow all the words of this law ." Obviously it's the first part that interests me. The secret things - the mysteries. And then Shakespeare's Hamlet,

I woke at 4:45am today and I had very little pain. It was my first church service in Trinity, in Lowestoft. I know I don't find preaching stressful, but if these pains have anything to do with stress I would expect something more than I experienced this morning. All I experienced was tiredness, fuzzy mind and shaking. Not shaking with fear - I don't do that - but shaking with fatigue. There were a few occasions when I could sit down and that helped, but during one of the

I didn't have that meeting yesterday after all. I had a morning meeting (but I wasn't chairing) and then I spent about an hour preparing a Bible Study, and when that meeting was to begin I started watching the new Paul McCartney documentary: " Man on Fire " and I fell asleep, for most of the 2 hours it was on. I am finding that the tiredness now is more of a problem than the pain. How would I have managed that meeting if I am this tired? And again this morning I was wide

Well, that was interesting! I went two and a half days without any pain and I thought that maybe it was over, but it came back yesterday afternoon; it woke me at 3am today, but I beat it and went back to sleep just after 4, until 6am. I am not in any pain as I write this (8:35am) and if they (that's "THEY") are right and it is stress and, therefore IBS, I should be in pain now. I have a meeting this afternoon that will be argumentative and I am chairing it, so if I am stre

It is 5: 50am. I am up, showered and dressed. The washing machine is on. I was awake before 4am composing this post in my head. The problem is that I have forgotten most of it now. Just to say that I have no pain. My thoughts a couple of hours ago were about something I preached in a Churches Together service, possibly a year ago, in Beccles. I did a comparison between the films, " It's a Wonderful Life " and " The Butterfly Effect ", and the novel by Douglas Coupland: "

Another bad night's sleep. And another exhausting start to the day. I began by finishing arranging next Sunday's service, then I went to Lowestoft to arrange a funeral. The pain is bearable at the moment, But I need to get through the rest of this month to see how I manage. In the absence of anything else to write I thought I would write about the difference between hearing and listening. In the song, " The Sound of Silence " Paul Simon wrote the line: " People hearing

First of all, I need to correct what I wrote yesterday. That's the problem with reading things when my eyes are closing. The Methodist connexional wellbeing person doesn't want to talk to me, so it doesn't matter that she is off until the 13th March. She wants me to have a conversation with my chair of district about my phased return. And she (chair of district) has to fill in the Risk Assessment with me. It's sole purpose is to see if I am about to crack up. And so to