I feel compelled to write today because it is 100 days since I last worked (full-time). The emphasis is in the title: One hundred (100). There are black clouds hanging overhead (my own black clouds), but I will write anyway. I have just booked an Occupational Health meeting. The earliest date was the 26th February. But it's booked - 9: 30am. Whatever recommendations they make will have some influence over my future. And I got thinking about that. Just lately I have

Acts 15: 28 , " It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us ." We can read that without thinking how mind-blowing a statement it is. This was said by James, the brother of Jesus, at the first church council. They were having a debate/discussion/argument about the Old Testament Law. It was clearly given to the children of Israel (Jacob). No other nation in Old Testament times was expected to follow it. No other nation was judged for not living by it. But now the gospel

I thought it was time I wrote something. I have had an interesting few days since I last wrote. I have now heard from my district chair that it is more than one person who claimed that I haven't been ill at all. I wonder if they think the tests and scans at the hospital weren't real as well. Anyway, as none of these people have been a superintendent minister in the Methodist church, I guess they don't know that even when we are off sick there is still work to do. So on W

I am back! I have been to see the GP and we had a long chat. It included pictures. I thought diverticular disease was diverticulitis - it isn't! But it can develop into diverticulitis if it gets infected. So I am diseased. That hard to pronounce lung problem isn't a problem, apparently . So no treatment; no tablets; no medication. Just pain and sleep loss. I have sent my latest "Fit Note" to the district chair, with a note telling her that the GP thinks i

I was lying in bed this morning trying to get into a position where it didn't hurt. I was trying to keep my mind off a conversation I had yesterday, and failing in the process. I gave up after what seemed like a very long time, and decided to get up. I looked at the time and it was 4:30am. It is now 4:50 and I have to write to get this sorted out in my head. I said when started this blog 90 days ago that I was going to write about what it felt like to be me going through

On the 1st June 1967, 26 year old John and 25 year old Paul released (with the Beatles) the song below: When I get older, losing my hair Many years from now, Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out till quarter to three, Would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me, When I'm sixty four? Ooh You'll be older too. Ah, and if you say the word, I could stay with you. I could be handy mending a fuse Wh

Having reported my diagnosis yesterday, I have done some more thinking. My results were on the NHS app for 12 days before I noticed them in, what I consider, the wrong place. I remembered that I went to the medical centre on the 15th January to ask if they had my results yet. They checked, and said no. But that's the day they appeared, so I must have missed them by seconds. When the results did come in, why didn't the medical centre contact me to arrange an appointment wit

Well, it's official! I am diseased! My liver, gallbladder, pancreas, adrenal glands kidneys and spleen are OK. My bowel is "unprepared" (I don't know what it's unprepared for, but who cares). That's the good news! This means that, yes, I have the results of the CT scan. The annoying thing is that these results have been on my NHS app since the 15th January! If you have an NHS app you will know the layout. There is a section labelled "Test Results". You click on that and

It is the 27th January and I am starting to prepare to go back out there. Storm Chandra is blowing around outside and there is a lot of rain as I am writing. I am not in pain today. I will not be fooled by a day off after what happened last week, but I am enjoying being temporarily pain-free. And still no results or new appointments. But I wanted to write about "The Chase". I have mentioned quiz shows before. I am watching more of them at the moment. There were 2 question

This should be more positive than yesterday. I woke around 6am with only the slightest of discomfort. I have been to Tesco for a few items. I am getting known there too because I keep talking to the people on the tills, and at 7 in the morning there are not many customers. This was always why, in my teenage depression/suicidal days I didn't respond to any dark clouds. I always reasoned that tomorrow might be a better day. My approach was: Don't commit suicide when you feel

Just a few days ago I thought it was all over, but considering it is now 11am on a Sunday morning and this is my third day of severe pain I am guessing that it's not. Even though so far there seems to be nothing wrong with me. It was another early start today - 4am - which is why I haven't written anything yet. But it is Sunday and I'm trying to write something biblical at least on Sundays. A few weeks ago I said I would write something about depression, so Elijah it is.

I'm writing early this morning because I'm not expecting any post. It's now 4 weeks since I had a CT scan and if anything does come in the post I'll write about it tomorrow. What I intended to do was offer that Thomas Edison quote, when asked about the number of failures he had, but then I discovered there are several different versions of it, so here are some of those versions (Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb; just in case you didn't know!): “I have not failed. I've

The post has just arrived, and another letter from the urology department. Both the ultrasound and the blood test indicate that I do not have testicular cancer. I didn't think I did, but as they checked my prostate and decided there is no problem with it (despite it being enlarged and inflamed) they decided to check everything. So, that's another part of me that is cancer-free! Yay! But, I still haven't had the CT scan results and I still have to have a cystoscopy

It's 11am and no post! But yesterday evening the pain started again. Sometimes it feels like a presence that doesn't want me to sleep. I woke up before 4am this morning with the feeling like someone was inside me shooting arrows into me. It's funny that that was the thought - it wasn't like being stabbed (I have never been stabbed, so I have nothing to compare it with) because it was too pointy. So the thought came of bows & arrows. Then, around 9:15 I decided to go for a w

This is my 80th day of being off work. I was waiting for the post to arrive before I wrote anything. I was hoping for another letter from the hospital, but there wasn't one. I have to say that in the 10 months since I first booked an appointment with a GP it hasn't been too bad. There can't be much of my body that hasn't been examined, and as I said yesterday, on the whole I'm not doing too badly. The pain isn't too bad today and I'm feeling a bit like a fraud again, but as

I was reading Jeremy Taylor's "Rules for Holy Living" again last night, and he included this verse: Then Eli said, ‘He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes .’ ( 1 Samuel 3: 18 ) This is Samuel reporting to Eli what God said to him when He called him in the night. Samuel had to tell Eli that his sons would be judged because of their sins. Eli's response is the only right response: ‘He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes .’ Life would be so much easie

I thought I would ramble a bit this morning. This is what is called "Blue Monday" and we are all supposed to be miserable today, so something a little lighter. The sun is shining and I am not in pain just now. I was woken with a severe kick around 5am. It wasn't a kick in the stomach, but it felt like one. But at this precise moment I am not in pain. Did you hear/read about Jess's Rule? I'm thinking about the other week when I asked for an appointment with a GP and they wro

It's Sunday again, so time for another Bible passage. Psalm 73 today. I cannot remember, and I haven't checked, what I wrote about Psalm 73 on the webpage about "Psalms of Lament". It is a psalm of lament, but in my present condition it is a good one to look at. I used to preach this at New Year services because I thought it was a good way to start the year. The psalmist begins: Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me .... I have

I added another one to the multitudes yesterday. Another new customer at the Foodbank and I issued 5 food vouchers, meaning I fed 5 households this week. I don't need to justify myself, but I thought I would explain why, as bad as I'm feeling, I am still going to Southwold every week. A couple of years ago we were in Tenerife on holiday. One day as we were walking around the island we walked under a bridge, and sitting on the ground was a homeless girl, with paintings for s

I'll start off writing about yesterday's appointment and then talk about something else. I went to the hospital yesterday afternoon and the ultrasound department of the X-ray department was all the way down a corridor, with a waiting room round the last corner. There was no one there, so no people watching. I was still tired so I fell asleep there. This appointment was only 20 minutes late and the female Lithuanian health care assistant came and took me to the room. Again,