Two things happened today: I had a text from the hospital telling me that my appointment to discuss my PSA results is on Tuesday the 13th January. That suggests two things to me: one is that it’s no longer urgent like my MRI was; the second is that it’s not nothing or they wouldn’t waste their time with an appointment. If all I need is yet another tablet they would send a prescription. So now I have to wait till next year to find out what is wrong with my prostate. They also

I had a lot of time to think overnight as I was lying awake in pain. I have actually been thinking for a couple of days about the butterfly effect. Not the butterfly flapping its wings and causing a hurricane, but the massive difference a small decision can make. Initially I thought about my ministry moves in the Methodist church. In my first circuit I had no choice. It was a 5-year appointment and I had to move. Then the decision of other people to match me with a circuit

A few weeks ago I had a funny thing happen at the medical centre. The GP looked at my PSA results (prostate) and said the score was too high for someone my age. A little later he was talking about my high cholesterol levels and said that changing my diet and lifestyle would make no difference to someone my age. In the same appointment I was both too young and too old! And that is one of the things that people dislike about illness - being told, “It’s just your age”. No prof

I decided to wait until the pain had subsided temporarily before I write today. Yesterday I walked to church. It's a 15 minute walk and I had to stop on the way. My back is hurting now as well as my front, and it was getting too painful to walk. I made it there and someone gave me a lift home afterwards. I am really feeling like a semi-invalid hypochondriac now! But it was unusual to go to church, sit at the back and listen to someone else preach. I don't know if I could

I thought I would write something about an experience I had a few weeks ago that is still active in my mind. One of the effects of the pain making me tired has been brain fog. I have forgotten names, words, when I'm talking, and even found myself lost at roundabouts when driving. It is nothing to do with age; it is all to do with brain fog. But what was interesting a few weeks ago was something of that experience that people say you get when you are drowning, or dying in ge

And in the post this morning there was a letter from the hospital with an appointment for my CT Scan. It’s on Saturday the 27th December. Nice to see that they work between Christmas and the New Year. Still nothing about an appointment to talk about my MRI results, but it is progress. I have now added back ache to my list of pains. That’s all for today.

I didn't get to write what I intended to yesterday because I was feeling slightly depressed. My purpose in restarting this blog was to write about how I was responding to this illness, and if it turned out to be cancer, how I was responding to the diagnosis. The prostate issue came up after I was already off work, but the pains have been there over a year, and while no one yet knows what is causing them, I have to live with them. So I react when people tell me how I was wor

I have tried doing things yesterday and today. I had to be at the solicitors in Lowestoft yesterday to sign off the sale of Corton Road manse and today I was out buying cough medicine for my wife. And although I managed while I was out, the pain was really bad after I got home. It makes me wonder again about going back to work again. It feels like a long time to be off, but it doesn’t make sense to go back until I’m sorted out properly. But how long will that be? On an

I said I would write about Projection, and here it is. There are several defence mechanisms that people use to help them cope with life's many and varied situations. The one that I see most often is Projection". In my church plant in Eastbourne I used to talk about this a lot. I always said, "Everyone projects". Without giving a textbook definition, projection involves projecting onto others the flaws and faults that you see in yourself. If you can blame someone else for hav

30 days! Who would have believed it! I went to the Community Cafe yesterday and I wasn't hugged, but most people seemed pleased to see me. I don't know how many times I explained the results I had received so far. One issue I had was that when I said I wouldn't be back till January it seemed that I was expected to be back before then. I think, because I don't show the pain, people think it's not there. I don't look ill, so it's assumed I'm not. I don't look tired, so it's a

It's a wet and windy morning and I am going to Trinity Methodist Church this morning for the Community Cafe. It's over a month since I've been. I used to go every week. But first a report on yesterday: We went to Hungate church (Beccles) and were warmly greeted at the door, and inside, and after the service. I had a 5-minute thing I had prepared. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage this: how I would feel and if I would be able to think on my feet (not been as good at

I went to the Christmas Tree Festival yesterday. I couldn't stay long because I was too tired, but I was hugged and greeted in a way I don't remember ever happening before. It was a strange sensation. I'm really not used to being ill and I sometimes feel as though I'm faking. I know that I'm not, but I know that I'm not lying in bed with a thermometer in my mouth - that seems to be my picture of how a sick person should look; maybe with a hot water bottle as well! Anyway, t

Yesterday morning I had a phone call with my MRI results. This getting up too early means I'm usually writing about the day before. I suppose if I wrote at the end of the day it would make more sense. Anyway, that was the suspense build-up. I don't have cancer. Although I didn't get a full report on the phone they wanted to make sure I wouldn't be worried over the weekend. I wasn't worried; I was curious : curious as the whether or not I had cancer; curious as to how I woul

I was up at 4am this morning. I don't want to complain about being tired again; although I am. What I want to say is that my "Fit Note" runs out today. I should be getting another one until the end of December but there was that issue with my title, so it hasn't arrived yet. Anyway, this is when I was supposed to be "fit for work" again, and I'm not. It's funny how people, before I went off work, told me it was age. If it is then I'm in trouble, because after a month off I

I am beginning to feel like a hypochondriac! I had my MRI scan yesterday evening; just waiting for the results. I am now just back home from seeing yet another GP who didn't know me, so I had to give him a run-down of the past 14 months. He has booked me in for a CT scan. This probably means going back to the department of the hospital I was in yesterday. It's not what I call efficiency, but I was sitting waiting for my appointment this morning and I read on my NHS App that

I had my phone call this morning telling me there’s a letter in the post with an MRI appointment for the 7th December, but there is now a cancellation this evening at 6:25. I won’t have any results for a couple of days, so I’ll report the results when I get them.

Philippians 1: 21 , " For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far ". That's a thought that is been in my head over the last few weeks. " To live is Christ ". Only a Christian can say that! " To die is gain ". Only a Christian can say that. Nominal

I had the best night's sleep last night since I have been off work! I read the letter on my NHS app yesterday that explains all my "Problems" (that's the technical term). Further down the letter there is a list of "Significant past problems". I found one for 1999 that says: "Minor reflux oesophagitis". No one told me at the time and yet this was the first diagnosis of my present condition. The first prescription I had was to deal with oesophagitis. I guess it was healed b

I have been awake since 2am. I had 2 hours sleep last night. Pain is tiring, but hard to sleep through. But it’s Sunday and as I was supposed to be preaching at the Church in Loddon this morning I thought I would write something about what I probably would have said. I was asked to preach on Galatians 2: 20 . The last two times I was there I was asked to preach on a particular topic or passage. This time it was a verse: “ it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives

Too much pain today to write anything. I’ll hopefully be back tomorrow.