Day twenty six

I was up at 4am this morning. I don't want to complain about being tired again; although I am. What I want to say is that my "Fit Note" runs out today. I should be getting another one until the end of December but there was that issue with my title, so it hasn't arrived yet.

Anyway, this is when I was supposed to be "fit for work" again, and I'm not. It's funny how people, before I went off work, told me it was age. If it is then I'm in trouble, because after a month off I don't feel any better.

I'm as tired as before and my pains are not improved. This makes me wonder when/if I will be fit for work again. Will I recover, or do I just have to start again at half power because I will have been off long enough?

But what if I can't do it?

This is all new to me and while I keep my mind occupied with my dissertation (which doesn't begin until the 19th January) and my Apocalyptic project, I find that I can't concentrate as long as I used to be able to.

A couple of GPs have suggested that stress may be the cause of my problem. I've never had a problem with stress before and I have been in more stress-inducing situations - Belfast for instance. What is there about sleepy Suffolk that could be causing stress?

If it is stress, why haven't the pains gone after a month off?

If it is stress, how do I go back?

These are the thoughts in my head at the moment. It reminds me of that question that the psalmists asked: "How long, O Lord?"