Day thirty three

I didn't get to write what I intended to yesterday because I was feeling slightly depressed. My purpose in restarting this blog was to write about how I was responding to this illness, and if it turned out to be cancer, how I was responding to the diagnosis. The prostate issue came up after I was already off work, but the pains have been there over a year, and while no one yet knows what is causing them, I have to live with them.

So I react when people tell me how I was worried about something new when I haven't been worrying about something I've had for 14 moths; and when they tell me how relieved I am when I have heard nothing that could offer any relief.

I am still waking up in pain and living with it throughout the day - every day!

And yes, it does get me down every so often, because it is tiring to be in pain. I have no doubt that God will use it for some good: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8: 28, NIV) I prefer the NIV to the NRSV here, because the NRSV says that all things work together for good, but they don't! But I believe that God works in all things.

And as I'm going through one of the things that are not working for my good, I have the assurance of Romans 8: 38-39, I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)

This is not about eternal security, it is about the here and now. Whatever we are going through, if we love him and have been called according to his purpose, He will bring good out of everything, and nothing that happens is a sign that He doesn't love us, because nothing (not even cancer) can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.