Day sixty nine

After yesterday's negative blog I felt a bit more positive. We went to the Foodbank in the afternoon and it was a satisfying time. There's never a rush after Christmas, but we fed some people. There are some things I haven't been able to give up even though I am officially off. There is no one else who will do this, so no matter how I may be feeling I still go.

But I did feel more positive. I have decided not to make any decisions until I get all my results in. The Occupational Health people are arranging a meeting with me as well, so I will see what they say.

But an incident happened last night that makes me wonder if I am getting wound up about trivial things.

I am checking my NHS app 3 or 4 times a day to see if any results have come in. In December I missed one of my results because I wasn't checking, so I'm checking more often now just in case. In the morning the app was OK, in the afternoon it was OK. In the evening, for the 4th time, they changed my title from "Reverend" to "Mr." I have been in 3 times about this. Each time they understand their error, even though they don't know why it has happened. And it makes me wonder: my NHS number hasn't been changed; my DOB hasn't been changed, so why do they change my name? This is 4 times in 5 months. This has never happened in any other medical centre. The fault is with the medical centre because that's where it gets changed. But does that mean they have my results but they have overlooked them? How am I supposed to know?

So, as I was thinking about this, and once again having to go in and get them to change it back, my stomach started churning. I woke up several times in the night with a pounding headache, and I thought: STRESS!

Put me up against a Loyalist terrorist in Belfast - no problem; an aggressive Methodist church council - no problem (I have had several of these). But mess with my personal details on my NHS record and I get wound up. What is that about?

And if it is stress, how do I go back?

I'm happy sitting at my desk writing Bible studies, but the thought of having to face trivial, petty disputes over things that will not matter in 5 years time, makes me want to quit.

But this is me feeling positive, so no decisions yet!