Day seventy two

This is the day! At 4:25 this evening (16:25 for those who must) I get to hear what they are going to do with me. I will find out if my self-diagnosis of yesterday was wrong and the culprit all along was my prostate.

It's an interesting day. I am back to waiting; anticipating. This is judgment day (no capital letters). Will I be given antibiotics? Will I be offered a date for an operation? I've never had an operation before. That would be an experience.

These days are passing very quickly as I am doing so many different things. I am discovering a lot about Genesis chapter 1 as I begin my latest theological study. I am still reading all things apocalyptic and next Monday my psychology dissertation begins. So this day, today, will fly by, and before I know it I will be sitting here again writing about what happened at the hospital.

Will it be a big disappointment (they are the worst appointments - dis-appointments).

Will it lead to me finally being cured?

Who knows!

I'm not the excitable type, so I'm exaggerating how I'm feeling, but there is a certain amount of anticipation.

It has been a long time coming. I have puzzled over that phone call I received from the urology department just after my MRI when they rang to say - It's not cancer. But, they said, my prostate is inflamed and enlarged. Why didn't they offer to do something back then? Why do I have to go to talk to someone this evening. I will not be happy if he asks me how I'm feeling!

But, as they phoned to tell me I don't have cancer, why has nobody phoned after the CT scan to tell me I don't have cancer, but instead I have...?

It doesn't take much to make a phonecall.

If I knew it was just something trivial maybe I wouldn't mind going back to work and suffering until it's cured. But I don't know what it is.

Maybe it is the not-knowing after all?

I've always like Deuteronomy 29: 29, The secret things belong to the Lord our God, But I don't think it applies to doctors and hospitals. I think they should tell us when they perform tests on us - even if they don't know what is causing whatever it is.

At least we could work together on figuring it out.

But in the meantime I'm waiting!