Day seventy three

Well, here I am at 5:40am writing today's entry. I have been awake since just after 1am. I will say it is the pain that was somewhat excruciating, unless you know the origin of that word, which makes it sound like I'm exaggerating (excruciating - from crucifixion). If you are male you will have some idea how bad the pain is when I tell you what happened at the hospital yesterday.

My appointment was only half an hour late, so that wasn't too bad. But I was sitting in the waiting area, people watching, as I do. And I saw people who were a variety of ages - at least one a lot older than me (I hope); some around the same age and a couple younger. I was wondering how they feel, assuming they are not Christians; what is it like to be in the urology department "without God and without hope in the world" (Ephesians 2: 12).

And then the female nurse calls me in to see the male consultant. Then I am told to get on the bed and pull my pants down. I don't tend to feel embarrassment too easily (I have had those dreams when I have gone into town naked - more than once! Very strange dreams, but common apparently). And again I was seeing what it is like for the people I have visited in hospital and at home over the years. There is no dignity when you are ill.

The doctor prodded around - and it was painful - then he poked around. When he told me to relax I resisted saying, "Easy for you to say".

He then, when I was dressed again, told me there was no problem with my prostate, but he is booking an ultrasound and a cystoscopy. I asked him where the camera went for the cystoscopy, and all I will tell you is that it has to get into the bladder, so I'm not looking forward to that one!

And I am to have more blood tests. He wants to keep an eye on my PSA levels, just in case. But today I am going for a blood test at the local medical centre for a "Priority: Urgent" blood test, because he thinks there is a "testicular tumour". If you look that one up on the internet the word cancer appears again and again.

So extremely painful after the prodding; suddenly aware of something solid in my lower abdomen that I hadn't noticed before, and the nausea that goes with groin pain, as well as the abdominal pains.

I never have used God as a crutch, but as I said at the beginning, I wouldn't like to face this without Jesus.

On a positive note, testicular tumours can cause abdominal pains, so this may all be sorted out in one dose of radiotherapy (well, not one, but you know what I mean).

So this will be a tiring day, but hopefully I will get my appointments soon and be back to whatever normal used to feel like.

And last week my chair of district told the circuit leadership team (so I heard yesterday), that I will be off still in February.

So I will have time to recover!